I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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