i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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