You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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