Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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