Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my being single is dangerous.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
