ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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