I'm drive I can fine osifer
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
