how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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