Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
