her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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