So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
