His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
