All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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