she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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