I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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