I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
