Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
