im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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