If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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