obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
