Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
