I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
