well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
