I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
