im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
