lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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