If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
