You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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