Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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