Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
