Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
