i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
