i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
