I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
