The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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