I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
