i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
