Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
