Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
