were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
