And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
