i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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