I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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