So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
