Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
