I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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