are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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