The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
