I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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