Sponge bath it is.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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