then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Panties = found
Randomize
