Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
