I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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