I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
