Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
