it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
