He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
