mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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