i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
