Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
