I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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