Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
