I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
